With 5 kids, some days I feel like all we are doing is going, going, going, and not enjoying being a family. Because of that, I decided not too long ago that it is important for us to cut out time to purposefully slow down and simply enjoy being together. There are two major ways we do this: for one, Thursdays are now set aside as family game night, where we can team up in a round of Sorry, act silly with Charades, or fall all over each other laughing as we play Twister. It's refreshing to let loose and have fun, and it reminds us just how much we all enjoy being in a family together.
The second thing I have done is to schedule one-on-one time with everyone, where each child gets my undivided attention one night per week at bedtime. This turns out to be about an hour of us sitting on the bed together, talking about life, God, or whatever comes to mind. In this small act, I have learned some incredible things about my children, and have been amazed more than once at how open and vulnerable they tend to be during this sweet time.
Last night was my night to spend with Carl, my adopted son. He has been struggling with his value and worth since he joined our family 3 years ago. I could tell that he was beginning to build his identity on some of the negative things that people have told him over the years, such as:
"You are a mean person."
"You are stupid."
"You are selfish."
"No one wants you."
As I was about to enter his room, I threw up a quick prayer. "Lord, I don't know exactly what to say to Carl tonight, but he needs life-giving words. Would you please speak through me?"
When I opened his door, I found him in bed, his light out, and his covers over his head, pretending to be asleep. It was obvious that he did not want to talk. That caused me to pause for a moment. I knew that he needed this time of interaction, though, so I turned the light on, and sat down beside him, praying that our time together would draw us closer as mother and son.
What happened in the next hour was absolutely beautiful. God led us from small-talk, just getting our conversation started, to a stroll down memory lane. I love how God knew exactly what Carl needed at that moment. You see, even though Carl tends to have a tough exterior, God has shown me over and over that my son's heart is actually quite tender and loving, so I told Carl a few stories about his own life where I had noticed that he had been exceptionally kind to people. As I talked, he began to sit up and really listen, and he asked me over and over to tell him more stories where I had witnessed him doing something good for others. It was as if he was starved for someone to fill him up with truthful, encouraging words, and he drank in the words deeply.
At one point I took a break from the stories, and asked him if he could see that God had, indeed, created him to be a kind, sweet person who loved people? And with bright eyes he said yes, he had always thought that way about himself. He just didn't think anyone around him could see that.
Then the conversation brought in other wonderful aspects of who God made Carl to be.
He is a talented artist who loves to build and fix things.
He is a hard worker, and tries to do tasks to the best of his ability.
Little children are drawn to him.
And the list went on.
As the hour drew to an end, I praised God for the renewed life that He had breathed into both Carl and myself that evening through the power of words.
Words. Simple little things that can build up or destroy a person in a moment's notice.
Words. We tend to hang onto the words that have been spoken into our lives...good and bad...We need to be careful what we say to others.
Words. God gives us His ultimate Word of Truth through Scripture, and Satan tries so hard to tear down those Truths with lies.
Which will we believe?
Which will we allow to penetrate our hearts?
Which are we speaking to our children and spouses?
Words. Beautiful gifts of life. Don't keep them to yourself. Give them away generously.
Hebrews 3:13 - "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness."
Psalm 119:103 - "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!"
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